I have lots to say about AI robots stealing my job, and you’ll hear about it, but I have a confession to make: It can be kind of helpful from time to time. Like this time. I’m contractually obligated to post something about the Super Bowl, on account of advertising, and I’ve just been too busy to come up with something.
But AI robots are never too busy. AI robots are here to help (until they’re sophisticated enough to steal our jobs, of course). (And also, there’s Skynet.) And that’s why I’ve fed every Super Bowl ad I could get my hands on to an AI, so it can write a Super Bowl ad for me while I do other stuff.
My Super Bowl Ad
OPEN on a MONTAGE of PEOPLE. They are doing THINGS. The music is SOMBER and HEAVY ON THE VIOLINS.VOICEOVER.
In these unprecedented times, it’s more important than ever that we come together and unite for togetherness.
The montage stops on a picture of TWO KIDS, both CUTE but in a SLIGHTLY UGLY way, and then the music FADES OUT as we fade toA CAR is sitting on a DUSTY FARM. The car is one of the MUSCLE CARS that CAR MANUFACTURERS HAVE BEEN REVIVING and that ONCE WERE SEXY and are now DRIVEN EXCLUSIVELY BY YOUR DAD.CARDI B.YONCE approaches the car. She is made of glitter.CARDI B.YONCE.
This car belonged to my mother or father. They’re dead, and I’m sad currently.
She gets into the car. In the PASSENGER SEAT is a HORRIFYING CREATURE THAT IS PART FROG AND PART BABY.HORRIFYING CREATURE.
Hello.
CARDI B.YONCE looks in the backseat. There is a LARGE ANTHROPOMORPHIC CANDY. It is wearing THIGH-HIGH STILETTO BOOTS and a THONG, because IT IS SEXY and THAT IS IMPORTANT.HORRIFYING CREATURE.
Hello.
CARDI B.YONCE.
Fortune favors the bold.
She turns around and the car drives itself away from the FARM to a CAFE where it has been RAINING and it is NIGHTTIME. As she drives slowly past, we see NICOLAS CAGE and JOHN TRAVOLTA and MARIAH CAREY sitting at a table and drinking DIET PEPSI, because CELEBRITIES are an ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVE TO CREATIVITY. The car speeds up, and we are now driving VERY QUICKLY through a CITY. For some reason, it has VERY LITTLE TRAFFIC. We take SEVERAL TIGHT TURNS until we’re driving THROUGH THE BARREN COUNTRYSIDE, and now the HORRIFYING CREATURE THAT IS PART FROG AND PART BABY is a GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPY.CARDI B.YONCE.
Sometimes, when you’re going forward, you have to go back. You have to look back at where you came from. And then turn around, because you can’t go back, you have to go forward. And then go forward again. Because that’s where you’ve been all along.
We have returned to the DUSTY FARM. CARDI B.YONCE parks the CAR in front of the BARN and sits there, running her HANDS along the STEERING WHEEL and GAZING into the MIDDLE DISTANCE. The PUPPY is once again a HORRIFYING CREATURE THAT IS PART FROG AND PART BABY.CARDI B.YONCE.
I’m happy now. Not an inappropriate level of happy — a respectful level. I’ve now gotten over the death of my father. Or my mother. Because of this car.
HORRIFYING CREATURE.
Hello.
CARDI B.YONCE turns to look at the camera.CARDI B.YONCE.
If you need a freelance copywriter, you’re not going to do better than Caperton Gillett. She’s versatile, she’s extremely talented, and clients love working with her. Just email her at cg@capertongillett.com.
FADE to CAPERTON GILLETT CREATIVE logo, and then to BLACK.Whoops! How did that get in there? You’re so silly, AI.