Congratulations on your hard-earned self-discipline and whatever. Good for you. Except Science has determined that discipline is a finite thing, and all that fancy willpower you have just drains away with use.
Okay, that came out a little more bitter than intended. (As a person with AuDHD, I’ve taken enough Try harder! Focus! that “discipline” is a touchy subject.) Trying again: While we frequently look at self-discipline as a personal quality that should be developed, it’s actually more a cognitive activity that can be exhausted. Basically “willpower” comes from a mental reservoir, and every time you use it, you drain it a little more — it’s called “ego depletion” — until it’s close to gone and your Self makes you stop being responsible.
So all those times you’ve been, like, “I can’t handle that email right now. My willpower is drained,” you’re literally correct.
So, first: I encourage you to read the linked Forbes article, because it has two important points of guidance for changing your mindset to make better use of your discipline (which I’m going to start working on the minute I get this posted).
And in the meantime, as you adjust your mindset, I can offer tips for preserving that precious cognitive energy and minimizing discipline-drain. See, when you’re dealing with challenges that can’t be overcome with discipline and willpower, you find your own ways to do it. And even though some of y’all have been kind of mean to me about the whole “discipline” thing, I am a generous person and will share some of my workarounds for getting things done anyway.
Establish rituals
instead of wasting your subconscious on day-to-day things.
This is one of the more obvious ones — “establish good habits,” ooh, insightful — but I’m starting with it because it’s one of the most commonly recognized autism things (often under the label of “stubborn” or “inflexible”). And I’ll grant you, it’s hard to explain exactly why using the pink mug on a weekday is Wrong and no, I can’t “just get over it for one day,” and… IYKYK, and IYDYD.
But for all that such requirements can be disruptive, they aren’t without some benefit. Those rituals — the doing things the same way every time without even thinking about it — seriously reduce cognitive load. I do my laundry every Tuesday, and household laundry every Sunday, because that is the Right Way to Do It but at least I never run out of underwear and we never run out of towels.
So take some of those good habits! you’ve established and elevate them to the level of ritual. Really get in there and internalize it until it’s not even second nature, it’s first nature. (Is that a thing?) Always do your laundry on Tuesday, and he’ll know he has any other day of the week to do his laundry, and you’re never playing Exploding Kittens over access to the washing machine.
Identify external cues
instead of trying to remember when things are supposed to happen.
Yes, time-blindness is a thing. Some people, myself included, just don’t perceive the passage of time the way everyone else does. So I rely heavily on reminders, many in the form of cues in my life that help keep me on track. The most obvious, of course, is getting out of bed on time, because I have four dogs who are very good at keeping schedules. I also listen to the news in the morning — when the Marketplace Morning Report comes on, I know it’s 7:51 and I need to be out of the shower. And the dogs once again come in clutch by bugging me for lunch at 12:30, reminding me I also need to feed myself while I’m feeding them.
So look at your day-to-day and see if there are any cues you can work off of. Does the bus pass your house at the same time every day? Does your coworker nag you on Teams consistently? Do you also have pets that seem to be able to read clocks? You don’t have to think about things — let your environment be the boss of you.
Pay the ADHD Tax (finances permitting)
instead of trying to keep track of easy-to-lose items.
This is, of course, applicable to those who can afford it, although dog knows it isn’t optional for many people who actually have ADHD. The ADHD Tax is, essentially, the cost of having ADHD: the bills that get paid late, things that get lost and have to be replaced, and other financial outlays that arise from executive function struggles. I have sunglasses living in my car, my bookcase, and a box in my closet. Earbuds at my desk (for work), that bookcase (for walks), and the bag I carry for work. I don’t have to hunt for sunglasses when I’m going out, or earbuds right before a call, because I know they never left the immediate area.
But you don’t have to have ADHD to pay the tax. If you can fit it into your budget, multiple-up and save yourself the effort of keeping track of easy-to-lose and easy-to-forget items. Every tiny drain on your self-discipline counts, so having reading glasses in your office, car, bag, and bedside table helps maintain your mental reservoir. Have a desk phone charger and a purse phone charger? You’ve nailed it already.
Self-discipline, schmelf schmicipline.
I mean, sorry to just dump the news on you that all that discipline is an ever-depleting tank of mental energy that ultimately runs out. But the good news is that it’s possible to mitigate the drain with a few traits autistic and ADHD people do automatically to make it through the day.
(I’ll also mention that for people with AuDHD, some of these things are requirements, not helpful practices, and you’re doing laundry on Tuesdays not because it’s practical but because Tuesday is for laundry, and having to wait until Wednesday can be world-disturbingly Wrong in a way I don’t know how to describe, and… give a little grace, is all.)
For you, though, those tips are just ways to minimize the burden on what you’ve just learned is your limited supply of self-discipline. You’re welcome.
And if you’re a fellow ADHD/AuDHD baddie, feel free to drop your own self-discipline tips and tricks in comments. Just because some of the normies were mean to us about it doesn’t mean we can’t be the bigger person.