In our household, there’s a phenomenon known as “comma dumbass.” It shows up when you say something that sounds like it ends in “dumbass,” and probably should end in “dumbass,” but the speaker doesn’t actually say “dumbass.”
“The dog ate your glasses again? You left them on the dresser, didn’t you.” Really, they’re saying, You left your glasses on the dresser again, didn’t you, dumbass.
Enter the Baltimore City Health Department’s newest public health campaign: Get vaccinated, dumbass.
Obviously, the campaign doesn’t actually say “get vaccinated, dumbass,” because that would be rude, and because I’m in the process of trying to trademark “, dumbass.” (It’s going slowly. Apparently you can’t actually do that?) But it gets close. It gives us the all-caps disparaging tone that first showed us how satisfying “Karen” can be if you say it just right, with an equally all-caps instruction to “get vaxxed,” and the unspoken comma dumbass is strong with this one.
And some people aren’t entirely amused by that, which I guess is fair.
I mean, I’m not an ad messaging expert or anything (note: I actually am), but I know enough to know that even an implied dumbass can be off-putting to some audiences. I mean, in our house, “comma dumbass” works because, well, we like each other. We can get away with jokes and joshes. (We can even get away with actually saying “dumbass,” but at this point, it isn’t even necessary.) And if the folks at the optician were to say to me, “You left your glasses on the dresser, didn’t you, dumbass,” I’d probably not patronize them in the future. Because, like, that’s harsh.
However. This campaign isn’t meant for the people who need to get vaccinated. (They actually have some other, kind of lovely messaging for that.) This isn’t the department of health snarking at its citizens to get vaccinated. It’s for the friends of those unvaccinated citizens — the folks who can get away with saying, “Get vaccinated, dumbass.” This isn’t a TV campaign or an out-of-home campaign or anything else that’s going to be seen by the broader, less appreciative public — it’s all digital, and it’s meant to be shared.
And that’s cool. That’s a smart use of social engineering, understanding the way people communicate and the people they’re willing to listen to. Knowing that you’re not going to reach some people, but that some people can reach those people, and all you need to do is give them the ammunition they need to get the idea across.
Yes, some people are going to be offended by this and be all, “Look at how they’re looking down on us! I won’t be talked to that way! I’m definitely not getting the vaccine now!” Those people are what we like to refer to as “not going to get the vaccine anyway, no matter what your campaign said.” And in that respect, the collateral damage of cheesing them off isn’t going to be as much of a messaging sin as it might be in other situations.
But somewhere, there’s a guy sharing this image with his no-vax, pro-salad friend and saying “SALAD DOESN’T CURE COVID JASON lmao” and Jason is replying “Haha fuck you lol” and the guy is saying “For real though, when are you getting [syringe emoji]” and Jason is saying “Dude I told you I don’t need it” and a conversation is happening. And maybe Jason goes ahead and gets vaccinated.
Because, I mean, admit it: If your life choices are ill-informed enough that your friends are sharing memes about it, being embarrassed into action isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you.
Are Clios going to be dispensed in honor of this campaign? I’m going with no. This campaign was clearly conceived under the influence of beer and public health-related frustration, assembled after a cursory Shutterstock search by someone who was supposed to be paying attention in a Zoom meeting but wasn’t because the meeting was camera-off. (Just guessing here.) And purely in terms of ROI, you could do worse: a good bit of awareness and even a few life-saving conversions. And all you had to do was scramble to find a way to pretend you were paying attention when they called your name for the third time in that meeting. So good going, B’more City Health.
And on a serious, related note: I sincerely love each and every one of you. I have to, because if no one ever read this blog, I’d just be shouting into a void and not shouting to a crowd of, like, twenty people every week or so. I thrive on external validation, and that makes you all precious to me. And that’s why I say with the greatest affection and concern: If you aren’t already vaccinated for COVID, go get vaccinated already.
Dumbass.
(XOXOX)