This one’s for the people who’ve been called “negative.” It’s for the wearers of Resting Bitch Face. It’s for the ones with a naturally deadpan delivery that sometimes confuses people who haven’t bothered to learn their love language. It’s for everyone who’s constantly asked, “Is everything all right?” and yes, everything’s all right, this is just what my face looks like.
And it’s for all the people who’ve told those people to cheer up, that it can’t be that bad, that they’re dragging down the mood.
This one is about negativity, and positivity, and why the former is bad except for sometimes and the latter is good except for sometimes, and how “neither” is a wonderful and underappreciated alternative.
(I have to provide one caveat before we go in: Don’t forget that neurodiversity is a thing. “Rephrase your comments in meetings” and “stop gossiping” are legitimate behaviors to address; “make eye contact” and “smile at your team members” are opportunities for those team members to grow as people and get the hell over themselves.)
And away we go:
Toxic negativity
Negativity — when it’s actual negativity, and not something else in a negativity costume — is a problem in the office. It kills office morale. It disrupts team cohesion. It can threaten engagement and productivity. It’s… well, negative.
Asking someone to do something and getting an eye-roll in response? Seeing a lot of rudeness and disrespect among team members? Observing a lot of gossip and sniping? Are you noticing that an employee is trying to drag their team members down to their level, rather than improving their own performance? That’s negativity. It affects everyone, and it’s contagious, and it needs to be addressed immediately. Misery loves company, and miserable employees beget miserable coworkers.
Or something else?
Beware, though, of the negativity in disguise. Because sometimes, legitimate concerns in the hands of an employee who’s not great at expressing themselves sound an awful lot like negativity. “That will never work.” “We’ve tried that.” Sound negative? Sure. Legitimate comments that could ultimately provide important guiderails later in the project? I mean, possibly. “This work is boring. Why can’t we do something more creative?” Abrasive as hell. But could potentially be pointing out a stagnation that could decrease productivity and the quality of your creative output. Try to listen to what they’re saying, and not just how they’re saying it. And if there are any diamonds in all that dirt, acknowledge them and affirm them. And then definitely coach Negative Nancy on her delivery, because seriously, that ish really does kill the mood in an otherwise sunny office.
No diamonds, just dirt? You’re working with what is commonly known as an asshole. Talk with them directly, and in private, about specific behaviors that are causing trouble within the team, fix what you can, and if it gets to that point, recognize when you’ve lost.
But when you’re dealing with negativity in your office, do it carefully, because there can be a real temptation to drift into…
Toxic positivity
Now, to be clear, positivity in general isn’t bad. Some people just naturally have a sunny outlook, and that’s great! The world needs ‘em.
But not everyone has a naturally sunny outlook, and not every situation is inherently sunny. Dictating a veneer of positivity and optimism by any means necessary is called “toxic positivity.” It requires people to tamp down any emotions that might be seen as negative, to ignore problems, to “good vibes only!!!” their way through circumstances that are legitimate reasons to badden some vibes.
“Look on the bright side!” “Everything happens for a reason!” “You can choose to be happy, or you can choose not to be.” “Smile! You’ll get through this!” Toxic positivity forces people to hide — and even become ashamed of and guilty about — feelings that don’t fit the dictated good-vibes-only office culture. That’s not good for a person’s mental health, it’s not great for their job satisfaction, and it’s definitely not conducive to a creative environment where a person needs to be focused on letting their ideas out, not on cramming their emotions back in. It’s not an environment where people can be comfortable being honest and vulnerable around each other, which is pretty essential for a creative job. It is, however, a great way to cycle through burnt-out employees like a Sneetches machine that only deals in ulcers.
Positivity and optimism should definitely be supported and encouraged and facilitated — but not dictated, whether explicitly, “good vibes only!!!”-style, or implicitly through one’s attitude toward people who aren’t whistling a jaunty tune as they encounter problems in life or work.
Non-toxic neutrality
So if negativity is bad, and positivity is bad, what else is there?
Well, to start with, shut up, I didn’t say all positivity is bad — just the toxic kind. But it’s also good to remember that, as with most things in life, there isn’t only positive and negative. There’s also… the middle.
There’s neutral.
There’s being neither sad nor happy — just content. There’s being pragmatic more than optimistic or pessimistic. There’s “there’s a glass, the contents of which are even divided between water and room air” in the middle of half-full/half-emptiers. The people who always say “That’s funny” instead of just, like, laughing? Kind of weird, but not bad. Just, y’know, neutral. Some people are the human embodiment of #3 on a five-point Likert scale, and that’s fine.
Non-toxic neutrality means leaving space in the office culture for people to function in the world the way they function. If a person is sunshine incarnate, that’s awesome. I’m sitting here at my desk already being happy for this rhetorical person. If they’re non-smilers, pragmatists, “that’s funny”-ers, that’s also perfectly valid, and they shouldn’t be pressured into being anything other than what they are.
But what about Nancy?
What about the ones who appear straight-up negative? As noted above, their negativity needs to be addressed. But they need to be addressed with one important thing in mind: Everyone has a right to their emotions. Whatever emotion a person is feeling, they have a reason for it, and it’s valid. We all respond to things in our own way, with emotions and behaviors, which aren’t the same thing. Identifying specific behaviors a person exhibits that contribute to an unpleasant or unhealthy work environment? Perfectly reasonable. But when you brand someone a “negative person,” what you’re telling them is that their emotions are inherently wrong. You’re telling them to feel a certain way, for the good of the team, and that’s just not a thing.
And once you’ve helped them with the things they’re doing that are contributing negatively to the office environment, everyone lets them do their thing. We accept that their black eyeshadow and bat-themed cubicle decor is part of their charm. We accept that just ‘cause they aren’t smiling, that doesn’t mean something’s wrong, and just ‘cause they just grunt and nod when you pass them in the hallway, that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It’s who they are. And if anyone else still has a problem with that? Now they’re the problem, because they’re the ones who don’t want to accept their teammates as they are.
And that’s non-toxic neutrality.
Goodbye, negativity! Goodbye, toxic positivity! Hello… whatever.
Optimism, engagement, excitement, dedication, team spirit — no matter what Forbes and Harvard Business Review and whatever try to tell you, these things manifest differently in different people, and that’s okay. That’s not just okay — it’s good. It’s accepting of individuals, and of the contributions they make. And it’s making everyone look at their teammates as individuals, and to figure out how to read them and to understand their language, and that broadens them as people. And it encourages a diversity of ideas, which is basically guaranteed to improve the quality of your creative because you’ve got so many ideas to work with.
(I mean, some of them are still going to be lousy. But statistically, you’re still winning out.)
Now go and enjoy your freshly detoxed and neutralized office. I’m already enjoying it. And sure, my face might look like someone just handed me an unfrosted cupcake, but you know that that’s just my face. I’m partying on the inside.