How to do Black Friday ethically (or, even better, not at all)

My first grownup job out of college was at the Atlanta bureau of a national fashion-industry publication. Believe it or not, I kind of loved it. (I also made it precisely two years before I just couldn’t anymore. That industry is no joke.) I was a lowly editorial assistant, though, which meant that some of the suckiest jobs fell on me, and one of them was the holiday shopping report.

That task involved going to malls on Saturdays during the holiday season — accompanied by a photographer — and talking to shoppers about what they’re buying, what kind of selection and price they’re seeing, and so forth, and then write it up and submit it in time for it to be included in the daily issue the following Monday.

Do shoppers on a Saturday during the holiday season want to stop and talk to a fashion writer? No, they do not. Is there space in a crowded mall to get photos for the article? No, there is not. Is there parking available anywhere? There is not. Is that a good task for a person who has panic attacks in crowded places? It definitely is not. Does one feel inclined to, after enduring all that chaos, sit down and write an article to submit by the end of the day? Absolutely not.

As you might imagine, that exercise cemented my hatred of malls around the holidays.

One day I didn’t have to report on from their field, though, was Black Friday, because there’s no point in trying to get anything done on that day. It’s chaos. It’s a Hieronymus Bosch painting come to life. It is the worst. I sincerely don’t understand why anyone would voluntarily take part in it. But more than 150 million people do every single year. And… like, yikes.

Why Black Friday is the worst (aside from my personal feelings about it)

Once upon a time, Black Friday was meant as an opportunity for retailers to get customers into stores and generate a spike of revenue at the end of the year (bringing their balance sheets from red into black, thus the name). Now, it’s the day — days, really, now — that people forget everything their parents and kindergarten teachers taught them about how to treat other people because suddenly a 75-percent-off Xbox has literally become more valuable than a human life.

Black Friday brings out the absolute worst in humanity. People start fights. They spray pepper spray. They call in bomb threats. They ransack stores and destroy merchandise. In 2008, shoppers rushed into a Walmart the moment the doors opened and trampled an employee and he died. And the shoppers went right on a-shopping. Because holy crap 42-inch flatscreen TV under $400!

It’s absolute hell on retail workers (even the ones who survive). Even when they receive bonuses for their Black Friday time (which many of them don’t), even when they aren’t forced to push away from the Thanksgiving table to come into work (which many of them are), workers are experiencing hellacious abuse during those long, mandatory hours. If you think it’s bad for you out there as a shopper, just imagine having to deal with that chaos for 12 uninterrupted hours. It can be physically and psychologically damaging — OSHA and the CDC have released guidelines for retailers to help employees survive the discount-hungry fast-zombie hordes.

(Also, don’t forget that most of the consumer goods shoppers snap up so enthusiastically on that day are available at such a steep discount because they were produced under horrible, exploitive conditions, so those are even more people not having a happy holiday.)

And in the end, sometimes the celebrated Black Friday discounts are BS anyway. Some retailers will jack up their prices beforehand to be able to offer heavy discounts on the day, and some will advertise some heavily discounted items to get you in the store and in the mindset that you’re in for some fantastic deals when in reality, much of the merchandise is still at full price. Is it really worth it to brave the crowds and contribute to the chaos in pursuit of some of-the-moment item that’s probably sold out and might not even have been that great a deal anyway?

Here’s some advice for not making the world a worse place this weekend.

1. Skip it.

This is the number-one best thing you can do on Black Friday weekend. If you’re in a financial position to forego Black Friday deals entirely, skip it and do your shopping the next day, which has been designated Small Business Saturday. (And yes, it was invented by American Express, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t beneficial.)  It’s a way to support the small retailers that prop up the local economy, and to sleep off yesterday’s turkey and enjoy a quiet day at home while the world outside descends into mayhem.

(Incidentally, all kinds of small businesses are happy to offer deals on Small Business Saturday and would be terribly grateful for your patronage. Just sayin’.)

You can also hold off until Cyber Monday, which, for the most part, still chucks a lot of money at large corporations but at least avoids the pandemonium at brick-and-mortar stores and the misery for the employees who have to staff them. And you can frequently take advantage of discounts from independent, online-only retailers, which is like Small Business Saturday but you get to do it sitting in front of your computer.

2. Buy from responsible brands.

Not every shopper has the financial wherewithal to satisfy all their holiday shopping needs at full price, and there’s no shame in that. If Black Friday deals are necessary to make the holiday happen for your family, you can lessen the impact somewhat by focusing on brands that are more ethical and sustainable. The Good Shopping Guide highlights brands that are known to be ethical in their sourcing and labor practices, and if you’re going to be out consuming conspicuously, they’re a great choice for minimizing the global impact. And some brands, including Everlane and Patagonia, donate a percentage of their Black Friday take to a charitable cause, so yes, they’re making money, but at least they’re also giving back.

Online, a number of sites regularly curate lists of ethical, sustainable online retailers with great Black Friday weekend deals — Restitchstance is a good place to start (or just Google “sustainable Black Friday deals.” You’re grown). It rewards retailers for being ethical, and it’s also a nice way to support minority-owned businesses and come out with unique gifts that no one else will have.

3. Be kind.

It may be too much to ask that you be kind to the other shoppers with whom you’re vying for that last Furby (or whatever is hot this year — I’m a hermit), but at least be kind to the staff of the stores at which you’re shopping. Their job isn’t to help you — their job is to help everyone, and on Black Friday, that means literally everyone in the MSA filtering through their store fifty at a time. Have your purchase ready to go when you get to the checkout counter (and no, they definitely do not have that sweater in a different size in the stockroom), have your card and any coupons in hand, speak to them pleasantly, and don’t bother complaining to them about anything. They have no control over the long lines, the crowded aisles, the occupied changing rooms, or the picked-over merchandise — and you voluntarily came to them knowing that Black Friday is a retail hellhole and all of those things were going to be the case.

A lot of that involves just bracing yourself for disappointment. To quote a bad-good movie that I’m kind of embarrassed to love, “Expect finite disappointment, and remember there’s always more where that came from.” The game you’re looking for will be gone. The throw blanket will not be available in the color you want. The jacket will be sold out in your size. Take a deep breath and move on. Sometimes, you have to do without, and sometimes (horrors!) you have to buy it elsewhere at a higher price. Get over it. Children are starving in… a lot of places, tragically.

4. Take advantage of early deals.

No, the deals frequently aren’t as good during the preview and early-bird sales more and more retailers are offering. But the working conditions tend to be better simply because of the reduced number of shoppers on those days. If that’s not enough motivation for you, also remember that you’ll likely have a better selection of items when they haven’t already been ravaged by Black Friday shoppers. And isn’t that what the holidays are all about?

(No. No, it isn’t.)

When you’re doing your early-bird shopping, though, do keep it within normal, reasonable hours (and skip Thursday — retailer workers deserve holidays, too). Keeping workers out until midnight on Wednesday just so you can get a good deal on cubic zirconia earrings your daughter is never going to wear is a really dick move from employers and is not to be encouraged.

5. Reward retailers that stay out of the fray.

Some retailers make a conscious choice not to participate in the Black Friday Week pandemonium, and that’s a good thing. Stores like Nordstrom, Pier 1, Crate and Barrel, and others have chosen not to offer extended hours, not to open on Thanksgiving, or even (like REI) not to open on Black Friday.

Reward them by shopping for their merchandise online or going into their stores before and after Black Friday weekend. And consider posting about it on social media, giving some publicity to those retailers and encouraging others to follow their lead.

6. But for real, skip it.

Sleep in. Spend time with your family. Tell your family you’re going to Black Friday shopping, and then sneak off for a little alone time. Perfect your Holiday Leftover Sandwich. (I’m happy to share my recipe.) Do absolutely nothing substantive and catch up on that thing you’ve been meaning to read, or your Netflix queue, or whatever. Craft some homemade gifts for your loved ones to pretend to like. Black Friday is the worst, and there are plenty of ways to not be a part of it.

Let me know in comments what you’re going to be doing in lieu of Black Friday (because that’s what you’re going to do, right?). Mine’s probably going to involve leftover sandwiches and knitting, so if you’re on my holiday gift list, you can spend your Friday rehearsing “You made this for me? It’s [gulp, deep breath] lovely!”