Mr. Clean. The Brawny Man. The Jolly Green Giant (and the Little Green Sprout). Don’t get me wrong — they’re all classic costumes, and any advertising professional should be proud to wear one out and about on Halloween. But they’re also a little bit… done. And if you’re worried about running into someone wearing your same costume, the danger increases when you go with a classic.
The solution? Choose an advertising icon who’s just as recognizable but doesn’t get the attention they deserve. Here are a few ways to show up at your agency’s Halloween party with something a little bit different (along with coupled-up options if your significant other will be getting in on the fun).
The best part: All of these are available on Amazon Prime, so you can order them now and have them in time for Halloween. (I’m not receiving any kind of commission for any of it, ftr — this is entirely a public service.)
The heroine from the “1984” commercial
Apple’s epic, Ridley Scott-directed “1984” ad will forever be regarded as 59 of the most iconic seconds in advertising history. Show some love to the nameless, sledgehammer-wielding heroine with orange shorts, a white tank top, and (of course) a big-ass sledgehammer. If you’re really committed, spray your hair platinum blonde to get the look just right.
Couple upgrade: Baggy gray sweats and a bald cap, like any self-respecting prole, or a black-turtlenecked Steve Jobs.
Cialis ad
Why did Cialis choose the image of people sitting in separate bathtubs in a field overlooking a sunlit lake as the perfect representation of their boner pill? Because… because shut up, that’s why. But no one will miss the imagery when you show up in a solo bathtub of your own. Don’t forget to load up your phone with your baby-making music of choice to remind everyone of proper procedure if this tub is a-rockin’.
Couple upgrade: Another person in a separate bathtub. Hold hands and smile at each other throughout the evening like two people who don’t seem to understand that Cialis only becomes useful if they get into the same tub.
Billy Dee Williams refusing to sign a can of Colt 45 at Comic Con
Allegedly. I would never come out and say that Star Wars actor and onetime Colt 45 pitchman Billy Dee Williams will have you removed from a comic book convention for asking him to sign a can of said malt beverage. Or ever has done that. Or has it included in his rider that he will do it. I’d just recommend against trying it.
This is a great opportunity to recycle that Lando Calrissian costume you have lying around. Just add a can of Colt 45, a Sharpie, and an angry look.
Couple upgrade: A black-suited, angry-looking bodyguard ready to bounce offenders the moment the can makes its appearance.
Hangry Betty White
Betty White in any incarnation is a great choice. Foul-mouthed, football-playing Betty White? Perfection. Pale blue sweatsuit, fluffy white wig, and a Snickers bar, and there you have it. (Maybe several Snickers bars. I know I’d end up eating my costume all night.)
(The candy part of the costume. Not the sweatsuit. That would be gross.)
Couple upgrade: Go this one alone. Betty White shares the stage with no one.
As-Seen-on-TV Floundering Blanket User
There must be a better way! Being a generally clumsy person, and a cold-natured person who enjoys knitting, I do know the frustration of… many things. That said, I have yet to meet anyone who struggles entirely that much with finding lids for their storage containers. Honor the plight of the exaggeratedly incompetent user of everyday household objects with your regular clothes, a Snuggie, and the cordless phone you can now answer because you’re no longer battling your blanket like it’s Sharktopus.
(For real, though, you should also read about how honest-to-dog adaptive devices have made their way into infomercial infamy.)
Couple upgrade: Overacting pre-Snuggie blanket struggler. Remember that your struggles are enshrined in black and white, so choose your clothes and makeup accordingly.
Happy Halloween, y’all.
And there you have it. No need to thank me (but do tag me on Instagram if you try any of these out in the wild). And leave your own suggestions in comments if you have ideas for costumes that will get your agency talking about something other than how you always leave throw your lunch trash in the trash can at your desk instead of taking it into the kitchen that’s, like, ten feet away. Come on, people. We live in a society.