{"id":3716,"date":"2025-09-05T12:52:59","date_gmt":"2025-09-05T17:52:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/capertongillett.com\/blog\/?p=3716"},"modified":"2025-09-05T12:52:59","modified_gmt":"2025-09-05T17:52:59","slug":"unrelated-to-advertising-how-mrna-vaccines-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/capertongillett.com\/blog\/unrelated-to-advertising-how-mrna-vaccines-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Unrelated to Advertising: How mRNA vaccines work"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Y\u2019all, I seriously just want to talk about advertising stuff, and then people want to mess with me<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should have realized that trying to talk in a reasonable manner about public health communication<\/a> was going to bring out the kooks, so that one\u2019s on me. And now this one is, too. Is<\/em> an advertising blog the appropriate venue to dispel vaccine misinformation? Dunno, but apparently the comments section is a venue to try to spread it, so let\u2019s dance: Here\u2019s how mRNA vaccines actually<\/em> work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How mRNA vaccines work: The actual explanation<\/h2>\n\n\n
\n
\"A
Marketing tip: Anything looks spookier if you bathe it in red light.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Human cells aren\u2019t just li\u2019l bags of goo with DNA double-helices floating around \u2014 they have li\u2019l structures and organelles and molecules that each have their own function. Ribosomes are essentially biomachines in all our cells that make the various proteins the body needs to grow, repair, and sustain itself. They make these proteins based on information delivered by mRNA.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Messenger RNA \u2014 mRNA<\/a> \u2014 is a molecule that carries instructions from the DNA in the cell nucleus to the ribosomes to tell them what proteins to make. That\u2019s all it does. It\u2019s a one-way trip \u2014 once the mRNA is translated, it usually degrades and is recycled for parts, or in some particular cases it can be stored for future use, but it never goes back <\/em>to the nucleus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Again: mRNA isn\u2019t<\/em> DNA, and mRNA doesn\u2019t have any effect<\/em> on DNA.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mRNA vaccines created for COVID deliver the instruction to produce one specific protein found on the outside of the COVID virus. The body\u2019s immune system then recognizes there\u2019s a protein in its midst that isn\u2019t supposed to be there and creates antibodies to destroy it. Once the protein is destroyed, the antibodies stay in the body, and the next time they encounter that kind of protein \u2014 for instance, on the outside of a COVID virus \u2014 they\u2019re ready to go to kill the virus and keep you from getting seriously ill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mRNA in the vaccine doesn\u2019t do anything to the DNA \u2014 the DNA is in the cell nucleus, and the vaccine doesn\u2019t go into the cell nucleus. Everything it needs to do is happening outside the nucleus, in the cytoplasm. And once the mRNA in the vaccine has been translated, it breaks down and is flushed away by the cell, since it\u2019s done its job and isn\u2019t needed anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So that\u2019s that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How mRNA vaccines work: A metaphor about Olive Garden<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Okay.<\/em> Say you manage an Olive Garden. You hear there\u2019s been a rash of Outback employees going around to different restaurants, beating up the staff and stealing the customers. Several restaurants have already gone out of business because of it. But that\u2019s not gonna be you. You find a recipe for Outback\u2019s Bloomin\u2019 Onion, take it into the kitchen of your Olive Garden, and tell some of the cooks to make a few. They do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This throws the front-of-house staff into a rage \u2014 this is an Olive Garden, we do not<\/em> make Bloomin\u2019 Onions, these are not<\/em> supposed to be here, and I swear on all that is holy, if I see someone walking in with a Bloomin\u2019 Onion, they\u2019re getting their shit wrecked<\/em>. And sure enough, when a couple of Outback employees show up at your Olive Garden with their Bloomin\u2019 Onions, Madison stops them at the door, beats them bloody, and leaves them on the front lawn covered in their own appetizer as a warning to any other Outback employees who might start feeling froggy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now that your restaurant has made a Bloomin\u2019 Onion, has it become an Outback? No. Will the kitchen be forever tainted by the Bloomin\u2019 Onion? No. Will the restaurant add Bloomin\u2019 Onions to the menu? Once again, no, it is an Olive Garden and Olive Gardens don\u2019t serve Bloomin\u2019 Onions. Having a Bloomin\u2019 Onion recipe in the kitchen for an afternoon \u2014 you didn\u2019t even take it back to the office, much less send it up to corporate \u2014 didn\u2019t make any fundamental changes to the restaurant itself. All it did was make your front-of-house staff that much more prepared to fight off invasion by hostile Outback employees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why would you want to do that?<\/h2>\n\n\n
\n
\"A
See?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

The mRNA vaccine is a way to prepare the immune system for fighting off a pathogen without having to actually put that pathogen into the body. You could wait for Outback employees to come into your restaurant and hope your front-of-house staff can fight them off. You could bring a couple of Outback employees in yourself, maybe rough \u2018em up first so they can\u2019t put up as much of a fight, and you\u2019ll almost certainly survive that, although your restaurant might take some damage during the scuffle. The Bloomin\u2019 Onion approach helps you prepare your staff to fight off Outback invaders without risk to the restaurant \u2014 you don\u2019t have to bring the people inside at all, just the appetizer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plus, it\u2019s versatile. mRNA vaccines are quicker to design and produce than traditional vaccines.<\/a> So if a virus mutates \u2014 say the Outback employees realize they\u2019re getting clocked for their Bloomin\u2019 Onions and start carrying Chocolate Thunder From Down Under instead \u2014 it\u2019s just a matter of getting ahold of the recipe and delivering it to the kitchen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And again, mRNA vaccines do not have any effect on the DNA<\/em>. They will not make you a mutant. They will not affect your future children (unless you\u2019re pregnant when you get the vaccine, in which case your baby will get your antibodies, which is the point<\/em>, you\u2019re welcome). You will not become an Outback. You won\u2019t even become some weird Olive Garden-Outback hybrid. You\u2019ll just be protected against attacks from Outback employees who want to take over your restaurant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I heard\u2014\u00a0<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/em> This isn\u2019t brand-new, untested technology.<\/a> Yes, the mRNA COVID vaccines were developed super-extra-fast, but the first-ever injected mRNA vaccine (against cancer) was in clinical trials in 2008, and the first one against an infectious disease (rabies) was in clinical trials in 2013. (The biggest challenge they faced was with getting the mRNA all the way to the ribosome before the body broke it down \u2014 they came up with a li\u2019l lipid bubble to put it in, problem solved.) The reason drug companies were able to come up with a vaccine so quickly was that the technology used to make it had been in development for decades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/em> Yes, VAERS (the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System)<\/a> can look intimidating. But keep in mind it is a self-reported, unverified<\/em> database. If you have an allergic reaction to a vaccine and your doctor reports it, it\u2019s in, and if your spouse dies in a car accident three days after getting the vaccine and you report that<\/em>, it\u2019s in. And if you<\/em> report that you<\/em> died immediately after getting a vaccine you never even got, that\u2019s<\/em> in. VAERS is an important source of data for public health professionals who know what they\u2019re looking at, but holy shit one million adverse events!!!<\/em> is not what it\u2019s for. (For instance: The database includes 4,298 reports of death four months or more<\/em> after receiving the Moderna vaccine. I\u2019m not personally a doctor, but I have to question if all<\/em> 4,298 cases really were causative.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/em> Vaccines don\u2019t cause autism.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(And I\u2019m sorry, but as an autistic person, am I allowed to bristle just a little bit that \u201cSure, maybe my kid will die from measles encephalitis, but at least they won\u2019t end up like Caperton<\/em>\u201d is apparently an acceptable tradeoff?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So there you go. If you are the kind of person foolish enough to turn to an advertising blog to learn information or<\/em> spread dis<\/em>information about vaccine technology, you should be fully satisfied, and I hope we\u2019ve all learned our lesson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now back to your regularly scheduled self-indulgent quasi-advertising-related blathering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Y\u2019all, I seriously just want to talk about advertising stuff, and then people want to mess with me. 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