{"id":3115,"date":"2024-12-13T14:11:09","date_gmt":"2024-12-13T20:11:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/capertongillett.com\/blog\/?p=3115"},"modified":"2024-12-13T14:11:09","modified_gmt":"2024-12-13T20:11:09","slug":"weird-english-language-rules-you-didnt-realize-you-were-already-following","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/capertongillett.com\/blog\/weird-english-language-rules-you-didnt-realize-you-were-already-following\/","title":{"rendered":"Weird English-language rules you didn\u2019t realize you were already following"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"A
\u201cIllegal sentence formation on the writing team. Five-adverb penalty, rewrite second paragraph.\u201d<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I\u2019ve generally made it clear that I\u2019m a big fan of understanding, and then strategically breaking, rules<\/a>. I\u2019m a fan of rules that make sense and contribute to smooth operational goings-on, and I hate arbitrary rules that don\u2019t have an accompanying rationale. (If even you can\u2019t explain why a rule is in place, why should I have to follow it? Get bent, arbitrary rules.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s why it\u2019s interesting that the grammar rules that entertain me the most are the most arbitrary ones. They\u2019re the ones we don\u2019t even bother parsing for rationale, because we don\u2019t even realize there\u2019s a rule there to begin with. They\u2019re the rules you\u2019re not even going to try to break strategically because why would you want to? Why would you want to talk about a \u201crubber, red, big ball\u201d? It sounds weird because\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 Because it just does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So here are four seemingly arbitrary grammar rules I actually love \u2014 ones you love, too, judging from the fact that you follow them every day without even thinking about it. And now that you are<\/em> thinking about it, try not to, because it\u2019ll throw you off in conversation, let me tell you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Order of adjectives<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I took French in high school and college (six years of it, in fact, and have I ever been able to speak French fluently? Mais non.<\/em> D\u00e9sol\u00e9<\/em>, Madame Mion), and I was tickled by the fact that, while adjectives usually come after the noun they\u2019re describing, that\u2019s not always the case \u2014 sometimes, they come before the noun, and either way they have to appear in a specific order. And I was even more tickled to later learn that we do exactly the same thing in English<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opinion \u2014 size \u2014 age \u2014 shape \u2014 color \u2014 origin \u2014 material \u2014 purpose<\/em>, and if you want to do it otherwise, off you go, there are plenty of other languages for you to speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We don\u2019t have to know<\/em> the rule to hold ourselves to it every day, automatically. Weird, tiny Italian sports car. Cute little baby.<\/em> Big Fat Greek Wedding. <\/em>The movie could have been called My Big Greek Fat Wedding<\/em>, except it couldn\u2019t, because it couldn\u2019t, because if you don\u2019t know why, I\u2019m not going to tell you. (We also tend to naturally keep it to three adjectives before the noun, because\u2026 we do.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No rule is without its exception, of course (big bad wolf, new wooden tiny house), but they\u2019re few and far between, and we know this because we seldom if ever break them. And I\u2019m not gonna be the one to start. You get a pass on this one, Arbitrary Rule About Adjectives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Order of vowels<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A politician will never flop-flip. The video app would never have been TokTik. This post will never be a mashmish of grammar rules, and I didn\u2019t dally-dilly in writing it. Why? Because of ablaut reduplication<\/em>, not that you care about that, because you just do it without thinking, and you don\u2019t have to know what \u201creduplication\u201d is to just do it without thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m going to tell you anyway: Reduplication is when you repeat a word, sometimes as it is, sometimes changing a consonant (fuddy-duddy), and sometimes changing a vowel (tip-top). And if you change a vowel, it\u2019ll always<\/em> be in the same order. Otherwise, it just sounds weird. If it\u2019s three words, the vowels will go I-A-O (ding, dang, dong), and if it\u2019s two words, they\u2019ll go I-A or I-O (hip-hop, Tic Tac). It just works that way. It sounds right that way, and it doesn\u2019t sound right the other way, so we just  I-A-O\/I-A\/I-O and that\u2019s that. If you don\u2019t believe me, try sitting down for a chat-chit and see how that works out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Placement of contractions<\/h2>\n\n\n
\n
\"Photograph
\u201cSir, you know you can\u2019t park that contraction in front of a fire hydrant.\u201d<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Contractions are handy. Dropping letters and squishing words together saves time and characters, and it\u2019s how we naturally talk anyway. (Did you catch that? \u201cIt\u2019s\u201d?) Contractions separate us from the androids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As long as they\u2019re in the right place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tacking a \u201cnot\u201d onto a word usually works. If they\u2019re the main subject\/verb clause of the sentence, they usually work, and sometimes they work at the end of a sentence, and sometimes they don\u2019t, and there isn\u2019t a lot of rhyme or reason to whether or not they\u2019ll. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is that? Why \u201cit\u2019s confusing\u201d but not \u201cthat\u2019s how confusing it\u2019s\u201d? Why \u201cwe\u2019ll figure it out\u201d but not \u201cyes, we\u2019ll\u201d? \u201cHe\u2019d not\u201d or \u201che wouldn\u2019t\u201d but never \u201che\u2019dn\u2019t\u201d? \u201cYou aren\u2019t,\u201d but never \u201cthat\u2019s not who you\u2019re\u201d? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do English speakers know where they fit and where they don\u2019t? We just\u2026 know. It feels right, or it doesn\u2019t. Rhymeless, reasonless, we do it naturally. It\u2019s just a talent we\u2019ve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Phrasal verbs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It sounds technical, but a phrasal verb is just a verb that\u2019s made of multiple words. \u201cBlow up.\u201d \u201cTake out.\u201d \u201cCalling\u201d has a different meaning from \u201ccalling off,\u201d and \u201cturning\u201d is very different from \u201cturning down.\u201d But just because the words, by necessity, have to come together doesn\u2019t mean they have to stay together. Sometimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes you can split them up (\u201cblow up the air mattress\u201d or \u201cblow the air mattress up\u201d) and sometimes you can\u2019t (\u201cpick on the weird kid\u201d vs. \u201cpick the weird kid on\u201d). Sometimes, you can put adverbs where you want (\u201cwork out the new proposal\u201d or \u201cwork it out\u201d) and other times you can\u2019t (\u201cwork out it\u201d). Why? I DON\u2019T KNOW. And you<\/em> don\u2019t know. We just do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rules of engagement<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

(Incidentally, any time you hear someone going on about how easy it is to learn English, and how everyone should be able to do it right away, and how if they don\u2019t, they\u2019re probably just lazy or not that bright, feel free to tell off them. And then don\u2019t care how angry they\u2019re.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Start a sentence with a conjunction? Split an infinitive? Continue getting bent, arbitrary grammar rules, you can\u2019t tell me what to do. My infinitive, my business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So yes, I tend to bristle at arbitrary rules. Except when I don\u2019t. I demand explanation before I obey. Except when I don\u2019t. I contain multitudes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s just the kind of writer I\u2019m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One last reminder:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just wanted to drop one final reminder that the Weepy Awards are upon us \u2014 the gala ceremony will be held next week, by which I mean there will be a regular blog post and not any kind of actual ceremony, because I don\u2019t even know how that would work but I certainly don\u2019t have the budget for it. If you\u2019ve encountered any particularly tearjerking holiday ads over the past few weeks, send them my way in comments or via<\/a> social<\/a> media<\/a> or whatever, let\u2019s say by Monday, and then watch this space to see if your favorites make it onto the red carpet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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