{"id":1779,"date":"2023-02-10T14:52:14","date_gmt":"2023-02-10T20:52:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/capertongillett.com\/blog\/?p=1779"},"modified":"2024-11-20T11:05:47","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T17:05:47","slug":"embracing-non-toxic-neutrality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/capertongillett.com\/blog\/embracing-non-toxic-neutrality\/","title":{"rendered":"Embracing non-toxic neutrality"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"A
“The black in this two-color logo represents the charred, crumbling remnants of my broken soul.”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

This one\u2019s for the people who\u2019ve been called \u201cnegative.\u201d It\u2019s for the wearers of Resting Bitch Face. It\u2019s for the ones with a naturally deadpan delivery that sometimes confuses people who haven\u2019t bothered to learn their love language. It\u2019s for everyone who\u2019s constantly asked, \u201cIs everything all right?\u201d and yes, everything\u2019s all right, this is just what my face looks like. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s for all the people who\u2019ve told those people to cheer up, that it can\u2019t be that bad, that they\u2019re dragging down the mood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This one is about negativity, and positivity, and why the former is bad except for sometimes and the latter is good except for sometimes, and how \u201cneither\u201d is a wonderful and underappreciated alternative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I have to provide one caveat before we go in: Don\u2019t forget that neurodiversity is a thing. \u201cRephrase your comments in meetings\u201d and \u201cstop gossiping\u201d are legitimate behaviors to address; \u201cmake eye contact\u201d and \u201csmile at your team members\u201d are opportunities for those team members to grow as people and get the hell over themselves.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And away we go:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toxic negativity<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Negativity \u2014 when it\u2019s actual negativity, and not something else in a negativity costume \u2014 is a problem in the office. It kills office morale. It disrupts team cohesion. It can threaten engagement and productivity. It\u2019s\u2026 well, negative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asking someone to do something and getting an eye-roll in response? Seeing a lot of rudeness and disrespect among team members? Observing a lot of gossip and sniping? Are you noticing that an employee is trying to drag their team members down to their level, rather than improving their own performance? That\u2019s negativity. It affects everyone, and it\u2019s contagious, and it needs to be addressed immediately. Misery loves company, and miserable employees beget miserable coworkers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or something else?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beware, though, of the negativity in disguise. Because sometimes, legitimate concerns in the hands of an employee who\u2019s not great at expressing themselves sound an awful lot like negativity. \u201cThat will never work.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ve tried that.\u201d Sound negative? Sure. Legitimate comments that could ultimately provide important guiderails later in the project? I mean, possibly. \u201cThis work is boring. Why can\u2019t we do something more creative?\u201d Abrasive as hell. But could potentially be pointing out a stagnation that could decrease productivity and<\/em> the quality of your creative output. Try to listen to what they\u2019re saying, and not just how they\u2019re saying it. And if there are any diamonds in all that dirt, acknowledge them and affirm them. And then definitely<\/em> coach Negative Nancy on her delivery, because seriously, that ish really does kill the mood in an otherwise sunny office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No diamonds, just dirt? You\u2019re working with what is commonly known as an asshole. Talk with them directly, and in private, about specific behaviors that are causing trouble within the team, fix what you can, and if it gets to that point, recognize when you\u2019ve lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But when you\u2019re dealing with negativity in your office, do it carefully, because there can be a real temptation to drift into\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toxic positivity<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Now, to be clear, positivity in general isn\u2019t bad. Some people just naturally have a sunny outlook, and that\u2019s great! The world needs \u2018em.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"A
“It takes 43 muscles to frown about your cat’s recent cancer diagnosis.”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

But not everyone has a naturally sunny outlook, and not every situation is inherently sunny. Dictating a veneer of positivity and optimism by any means necessary is called \u201ctoxic positivity.\u201d It requires people to tamp down any emotions that might be seen as negative, to ignore problems, to \u201cgood vibes only!!!\u201d their way through circumstances that are legitimate reasons to badden some vibes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLook on the bright side!\u201d \u201cEverything happens for a reason!\u201d \u201cYou can choose to be happy, or you can choose not to be.\u201d \u201cSmile! You\u2019ll get through this!\u201d Toxic positivity forces people to hide \u2014 and even become ashamed of and guilty about \u2014 feelings that don\u2019t fit the dictated good-vibes-only office culture. That\u2019s not good for a person\u2019s mental health, it\u2019s not great for their job satisfaction, and it\u2019s definitely not conducive to a creative environment where a person needs to be focused on letting their ideas out<\/em>, not on cramming their emotions back in<\/em>. It\u2019s not an environment where people can be comfortable being honest and vulnerable around each other, which is pretty essential for a creative job. It is, however, a great way to cycle through burnt-out employees like a Sneetches machine that only deals in ulcers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Positivity and optimism should definitely be supported and encouraged and facilitated \u2014 but not dictated, whether explicitly, \u201cgood vibes only!!!\u201d-style, or implicitly through one\u2019s attitude toward people who aren\u2019t whistling a jaunty tune as they encounter problems in life or work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Non-toxic neutrality<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

So if negativity is bad, and positivity is bad, what else is there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, to start with, shut up, I didn\u2019t say all positivity is bad \u2014 just the toxic kind. But it\u2019s also good to remember that, as with most things in life, there isn\u2019t only<\/em> positive and negative. There\u2019s also\u2026 the middle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s neutral.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s being neither sad nor happy \u2014 just content. There\u2019s being pragmatic more than optimistic or pessimistic. There\u2019s \u201cthere\u2019s a glass, the contents of which are even divided between water and room air\u201d in the middle of half-full\/half-emptiers. The people who always say \u201cThat\u2019s funny\u201d instead of just, like, laughing? Kind of weird, but not bad<\/em>. Just, y\u2019know, neutral. Some people are the human embodiment of #3 on a five-point Likert scale, and that\u2019s fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Non-toxic neutrality means leaving space in the office culture for people to function in the world the way they function. If a person is sunshine incarnate, that\u2019s awesome. I\u2019m sitting here at my desk already being happy for this rhetorical person. If they\u2019re non-smilers, pragmatists, \u201cthat\u2019s funny\u201d-ers, that\u2019s also perfectly valid, and they shouldn\u2019t be pressured into being anything other than what they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what about Nancy?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"A
“This is just my face.”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

What about the ones who appear straight-up negative? As noted above, their negativity needs to be addressed. But they need to be addressed with one important thing in mind: Everyone has a right to their emotions. Whatever emotion a person is feeling, they have a reason for it, and it\u2019s valid. We all respond to things in our own way, with emotions and<\/em> behaviors, which aren\u2019t the same thing<\/em>. Identifying specific behaviors a person exhibits that contribute to an unpleasant or unhealthy work environment? Perfectly reasonable. But when you brand someone a \u201cnegative person,\u201d what you\u2019re telling them is that their emotions are inherently wrong. You\u2019re telling them to feel<\/em> a certain way, for the good of the team, and that\u2019s just not a thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And once you\u2019ve helped them with the things they\u2019re doing<\/em> that are contributing negatively to the office environment, everyone lets them do their thing. We accept that their black eyeshadow and bat-themed cubicle decor is part of their charm. We accept that just \u2018cause they aren\u2019t smiling, that doesn\u2019t mean something\u2019s wrong, and just \u2018cause they just grunt and nod when you pass them in the hallway, that doesn\u2019t mean they don\u2019t like you. It\u2019s who they are. And if anyone else still has a problem with that? Now they\u2019re<\/em> the problem, because they\u2019re the ones who don\u2019t want to accept their teammates as they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s non-toxic neutrality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Goodbye, negativity! Goodbye, toxic positivity! Hello\u2026 whatever.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Optimism, engagement, excitement, dedication, team spirit \u2014 no matter what Forbes and Harvard Business Review and whatever try to tell you, these things manifest differently in different people, and that\u2019s okay. That\u2019s not just okay \u2014 it\u2019s good<\/em>. It\u2019s accepting of individuals, and of the contributions they make. And it\u2019s making everyone look at their teammates as individuals, and to figure out how to read them and to understand their language, and that broadens them as people. And<\/em> it encourages a diversity of ideas, which is basically guaranteed to improve the quality of your creative because you\u2019ve got so many ideas to work with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I mean, some of them are still going to be lousy. But statistically, you\u2019re still winning out.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now go and enjoy your freshly detoxed and neutralized office. I\u2019m already enjoying it. And sure, my face might look like someone just handed me an unfrosted cupcake, but you know that that\u2019s just my face. I\u2019m partying on the inside.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This one\u2019s for the people who\u2019ve been called \u201cnegative.\u201d It\u2019s for the wearers of Resting Bitch Face. 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